Fear of commitment

Marriage has been seen as a foundation of society. We are all aware of those traditions about marriage: you are of a certain age- it’s time for marriage, you’ve been together too long- it’s time for marriage, if pregnant- it’s time for marriage, you met his parents- it’s time for marriage, you are planning to move together-it’s time for marriage and every region has its own customs the “new family” has to obey.

All these ideas I believe no longer applies in today’s society. Those norms should be illegal. They completely interfere with someone’s well being or lifestyle. Being an independent woman makes it really had to face all these norms, since that’s how your or his parents were raised. I am aware I fear of commitment and after some research i figured out that this has become a social issue. Plenty of young people today have fear of commitment. Studies state that men are the most affected by this, but since women constantly become more and more independent, I’d say we will soon live in a society filled with single people until those traditions die.

“It’s not that I don’t love him, but everytime he even jokes about marriage I feel cold and sick to the heart,” – a comment I read online and describes best how it feels. So what’s behind it? Of course, the reasons are multiple and personal, but mostly it’s because every decision we make means losing another option. There is always another life you could have lived. On another level, it is all about fear of failure and sometimes what we fear most is what we need. One might be terrified of commitment but desperately need that security and intimacy only a long-term relationship can provide.

Whatever it is, this is an important decision and is you, not society, that will suffer the consequences of giving into any external pressure. Normal is overrated!

Ioana Faur


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