Why I needed feminism this week #3

I need feminism because deep down, I still feel the urge to wear a white dress to my traditional wedding.

I do, sometimes I imagine myself and my boyfriend, him dressed in a pair of jeans and a shirt, and me dressed in a long, white T-Shirt/dress thing. I imagine the officiation, and having a dinner somewhere nice.

About 1 minute into the fantasy, I remember that men steal the bride, that there’s such a thing as “big in-laws” and “little in-laws” based on the gender of the couple involved, that the bride throws a bouquet which women fight for hoping to be the next ones to be proposed to – ah yes, the proposal: the fact that the man is the one that proposes to the woman- and finally, that we only wear white dresses because of an insanely biased tradition that involved purity, innocence, and other such bullshit meant to degrade women and put them in their place.

At that moment I begin to feel as if I’m betraying myself and all women everywhere. I know how absurd this may sound, but as a person dedicated to the fight for gender equality, whenever I find myself getting lost in these traditional fantasies, I feel only shame and guilt.

So I guess that’s why I need feminism in this case: I feel the need to conduct my couple life according to sexist traditions which have been embedded in my mind since I was born, which obviously results in a guilt trip of my own devising. If men and women were equal, such traditions would be obsolete. If my mind wasn’t conditioned into wanting these things, I wouldn’t have to make conscious decisions about not abiding to these imaginary rules.

Irina Lupa

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