Complaining: a way to find friends…..or to loose friends?

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Do you remember sitting next to a table the last time, when that girl started to complain about her landlord, roommate, boyfriend, job, school, hair…anything? An you could instantly get connected by starting to complain about something of your own…Well, in the other hand, complaining in itself, when done frequently, can have seriously negative effects on us.

First of all, complaining is negative in itself. People that are complaining 24/24 are clearly unhappy with their current life position. People that are always unhappy with something, are not the ones that you might want to spent lots of time with, especially on a long run. People that complain, are the people that will create a negative aura around them and will make the others and themselves unfulfilled. As, I sad in many cases you follow the lead of a heavy complainer.

Humans are literally born complaining.  The very first thing we do upon being dragged unexpectedly out of a nice, warm, dark, cozy place into the loud, bright, cold and uncertain world is to register a noisy complaint. It makes perfect sense; the newborn has no other way to change the state of its life.  We communicate our fear, hunger, pain or discomfort with the hope that someone can and will do something about it, and we have narcissism to blame.

1343870018756_4184412Social media has in some ways accelerated our human instinct to complain. Basically everyone, can complain about almost anything, on this platforms. In, fact your profile is more interesting and appealing to others if you post a status in which you voice and ironic complain about an issue, event, politician, celebrity, common friend, society setting, whatever….Try it out, you will end up with tonnes off comments.

More than that, on Facebook, #shitty, #crappy, #sucks have millions of posts. So, Hashtag makes it easier to emphasize how bad a certain situation is. Very quickly. Of course there are many Hashtags that are adopted to the exact complaint from which the individual is suffering from.

Twitter is a veritable hotbed of bitching, from the classic #humblebrag,“I hate that I can’t walk into a bar and just have a quiet drink with friends because there is always some guy hitting on me,” …. To the  “How can you date someone who names their dog Eminescu?

MjAxMi0zZDQwOTA4ODliMjk3OGU5At times, we all register a noisy complaint hoping that someone somewhere will fix “it.” If your complaint is bigger than you, a fundamental wrong in the world, then complaints carry evolution and can actually be productive.  If you organize your complaint into a protest, then putting your complaint out in the world can be net positive; it is a form of alchemy in which you turn your impotent words into a formidable action. But this example is the exception not the rule; most of our complaints are more narcissistic cries alike rather than the call for revolution.

Let’s see the type of complains that I am exposed to day after day on Social Media. 

Everyone has that friend – Facebook or otherwise – who just can’t seem to turn it off.  Among them are the “So do something about it, girl/dude,”the ones with the same complaint, day after day, year after year about something eminently solvable. Stop going to the restaurant where you hate the fact that the waitress introduces herself to you every time. It’s annoying, yes, but after a while, so are you.

1349190660852_1294058Then there are the “I’m so clever,” complainers, your standard eye-rollers who complain to impress, because really, who ever sounded funny, ironic, and sexily jaded saying something nice? “So let’s clarify here: All the various reality shows you said heralded the coming of the apocalypse did, and it’s not funny anymore. Watch or don’t watch but let the rest of us enjoy our Teen Moms and Honey Boo Boo in peace.”

And of course we should not forget about the “aristocrats” . Yes, it would be nice if the barista didn’t screw up your order and give you a latte when you clearly asked for a cappuccino, or perhaps you can’t believe the sommelier doesn’t know the difference between a 1969 and a 1972 Pinot. Just gove me a break….

It’s clear that far more often than not, we are complaining not out of oppression but out of entitlement. Rarely, if ever, do we stop to consider whether it is productive to voice our complaint much less ask if it is reasonable.

Seriously, because after a while, if you don’t come up with a way to make peace with the gnats and nits of the world, you are really going to have something to complain about …. loneliness. Think about it: You used to have that friend, that non-stop complainer. It’s a type.

The point is, you may well slowly be becoming one of these types and forgetting that each and every one of them are someone you no longer spend time with because frankly, who has the time to listen to all that complaining?

1335742637492_3231730So you, we better stop.

From our earliest moments, we know that this is a cold and scary world in which we are all too often anxious and tired…but we evolve to know that not everything is ours to control, plan or get.  The hard work to do about your complaining is the hard work most people ignore talking about – it’s the work on the inside, the YOU stuff that can’t hide from you.  Think about it, if you get to the bottom of your reasons for your complaining… the holes you need to fill, your time is better spent thanking the waitress for the cold French fries.  What you see as inconvenience today –  is likely a gift you just looked in the eye and didn’t recognize.  Your aha moment is at each complaint.

V.T.

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